That Elusive Respect

By: Abdullah R. Sirad

Sometime in 2006, one of the housemates in the very popular reality show Pinoy Big Brother of Philippines biggest Network ABS-CBN confronted with her housemate and uttered a very remarkable statement at the climax of their argumentation when she said “Beatrice… Respect is not being imposed, it is being earned”! The other lady was claiming she was not being respected the way she likes to be respected thus she was responded with the latter statement.

Respect is a very elusive word. Everyone wants to be treated dominantly over anyone else. Some even dictates the way they would like to be respected. When they feel they were not treated accordingly, they tend to outburst as if they were a victim. Influential people, like those that are in positions, usually impose respect to those people below at their level. They live largely in hypocrisy wherein ordinary people were not almost given fair treatments and or due rights.

In a multi-business organization in which a large number of diversified employees are seen, misunderstanding caused by gap among managers and rank-and-file employees is very observable. Usually, people in middle management (managers) are too strict that they tend to disrespect justifications from their subordinates and sometimes their behavior leads to premature assumptions. This premature and erroneous assumption hinders management and employee morale for the reasons that intimidation is gradually created. Gap exists between them and as consequence; subordinates perform poorly for they perceive that their efforts are futile by not considering their justifications.
Respect is a much exploited term but why it is very elusive to actualize it? Nasser Diampuan, document controller in a multi-level company, when asked of his perception about the term respect he remarked “show me first respectful manner and my respect will follow”. Very clear. His perception about respect falls under the golden rule which says “Do not do unto others what you don’t want do unto you”. Most people are too vacuous that they don’t feel the pains of other people. They don’t care if others are getting hurt for as long as they get what they like. This behavior causes conflict, if not violence, because people are not being heard to their due rights. Those people in position did not try to absorb others feelings and even forbid their social rights. Being inconsiderate to others is a form of alienation and a sense of deprivation and ultimately outrage is the seed of it in the organization. Perhaps this is because disrespect breeds disrespect in response. On the other hand, accommodating and absorbing subordinates or ordinary employees in the organization are essential for social harmony and stability.
I remembered an informal conversation with my Pakistani colleague named Nawaz Ilyaz who shared to me his perception about respect toward colleague coming from other religion, a Christian so to speak. He saw his colleague’s tears falls down repeatedly when he greeted him a “Merry Christmas”. Nawaz said that was a tear of joy for it was his colleague’s first time to receive greetings from a Muslim friend in his long stay in Saudi. Nawaz said respect is to accept someone of whoever he is. That was a very reflecting experience. With that simple gesture, his friend realized he was considered as a member of the family. In return, his friend used to strengthen his respect to Islamic practices.

This insinuates that respect has to be accorded to anyone regardless of your disagreement. It is essential for anyone (especially managers) to separate the person from the behavior or religious affiliation for that matter. Someone has to consider that people in the organization come from different backgrounds, upbringings and environments that have shaped and molded them. People are all continually changing and evolving. When anyone (manager) respect people’s culture, tradition and beliefs or even a simple idea they will become the most loyal employees, co-workers or friend you will ever have. This is true empowerment.

Speak with positive expectation believing the best. Stating your feelings with positive expectation pulls people to the level of performance you desire. For example, say something like, "Abdul, you've always done a great job of giving your all in every account. As of late, however, you seem to not quite be yourself. Is there anything I can do to help? I want to see you succeed and be your personal best. Know I am fully committed to you as you are to this company." Affirming a person and your expectations of their success will endear people to you and cause them to want to live up to your wishes because they feel that their shortcomings are being respected.

Don't take what others say for truth. Instead, go to the source and have an open conversation. Get things out in the open and speak face-to-face respectfully.
Maintain a sense of humor and unconditional acceptance. Don’t always see only one side of the coin. Try to consider the other sides. In such a way, you are not being selfish for you are being open for possibilities. You don't have to always resolve your disagreements and conflicts to thrive. Otherwise, it will diminish the success that you are expecting. Sometimes, you have to accept people as they are, realizing they may never change.

Indeed, mutual respect begets mutual peace.

Stupid

Suppose you were once thrown to jail by people for massive cheating you have committed against them, do you still have face to beg people to serve them again?am pointing out Erap...He is just making a fool of himself of declaring his plan for the upcoming presidentil race. Stupid!